Z-Burbia 5: the Bleeding Heartland

Authors: Jake Bible

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“Shall I list them? Yes. Yes, I shall.
    I’d rather be: 1. Eating glass out of a rhinoceros’s asshole.
    2. Placing my private parts in a blender and hitting the puree button.
    3. Huffing Rush Limbaugh’s farts after he’s eaten six pepperoni and jalapeno pizzas from Pizza Hut. Deep dish, so they are nice and greasy.
    4. Sharting while naked and singing the Star Spangled Banner in front of a black tie crowd at Lincoln Center.
    5. Shitting out the undigestible glass I have eaten from p...reviously said rhinoceros’s ass.
    6. Making sweet, sweaty love to Brenda Kelly.
    Okay, okay, I went too far on that last one. Nothing would be worse than touching any part of Brenda Kelly’s naked body. What? You think I am mocking the dead? Yes. Yes, I am. That woman deserves all the postmortem mocking she gets.
    I would say I’m in a blind leading the blind situation, but I’d be a total idiot if I ever call Elsbeth blind.MoreLess Read More Read Less

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