When Mr. Dog Bites (2014)
“No Coke or chocolate injection would do for this dude, no siree. October’s leaves were yellowy red and scattered all over the ground, making my front yard look like one massive pizza.
I was lying in my scratcher staring at the ceiling and thinking that Michelle Malloy was one funny bunny. One funny minx of a bunny. The chat outside the toilet was good for several reasons: 1. She cracked a joke.
2. She didn’t hit me.
3. She said the word “wank,” which is capital letter CRAZY, as she’s a girl—b...ut not just any girl!
It was time for this knight to spring into action and slay that dragon once and for all. Eminem sprang me into action. It was time to tackle the Cool Things to Do Before I Cack It list. And, as Fräulein Maria says, let’s go to the very beginning . . . or something like that.
Number one: Have real sexual intercourse with a girl. (Preferably Michelle Malloy, and definitely not on a train or any other mode of transport. If possible, the intercoursing will be at her house.) I couldn’t drink booze or smoke the wacky baccy, so it was up to Eminem to give me some Dutch courage.MoreLess
I was lying in my scratcher staring at the ceiling and thinking that Michelle Malloy was one funny bunny. One funny minx of a bunny. The chat outside the toilet was good for several reasons: 1. She cracked a joke.
2. She didn’t hit me.
3. She said the word “wank,” which is capital letter CRAZY, as she’s a girl—b...ut not just any girl!
It was time for this knight to spring into action and slay that dragon once and for all. Eminem sprang me into action. It was time to tackle the Cool Things to Do Before I Cack It list. And, as Fräulein Maria says, let’s go to the very beginning . . . or something like that.
Number one: Have real sexual intercourse with a girl. (Preferably Michelle Malloy, and definitely not on a train or any other mode of transport. If possible, the intercoursing will be at her house.) I couldn’t drink booze or smoke the wacky baccy, so it was up to Eminem to give me some Dutch courage.MoreLess
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