What You Really Really Want (2011)
What You Really Really Want
“This can be a hard balance to strike. For many women, we’ve been taught our whole lives to put others’ needs before our own, sometimes in ways that have caused us real harm over the years. But once we become aware of that dynamic, we can be tempted to overcompensate, focusing only on our needs, desires, and boundaries, to the exclusion of our partners’. Looking out for our partners can start to feel fraught and even dangerous to our sense of self. It’s not always easy to know how to balance tak...ing care of ourselves and asserting our own needs and desires with our responsibility toward our partners. And what about when we mess up and hurt ourselves or someone else?
You likely already know that it’s not okay to deliberately violate someone’s sexual boundaries or otherwise be emotionally or physically abusive to them. But there are also lots of ways we may hurt others inadvertently, just by being careless with our partners’ needs and boundaries, being confused about our own motives, or tricking ourselves into thinking that we mean well when we’re actually just putting off telling our partners difficult truths (which will inevitably hurt even more when they come out later).MoreLess
You likely already know that it’s not okay to deliberately violate someone’s sexual boundaries or otherwise be emotionally or physically abusive to them. But there are also lots of ways we may hurt others inadvertently, just by being careless with our partners’ needs and boundaries, being confused about our own motives, or tricking ourselves into thinking that we mean well when we’re actually just putting off telling our partners difficult truths (which will inevitably hurt even more when they come out later).MoreLess
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