Vatican Waltz (2013)
“If I wasn’t going to have boyfriends and travel the familiar path toward marriage and family, at least I’d have a secure job to go to every week. If I wasn’t going to act like a normal girl, at least he could tell his friends, “My daughter, she’s the nurse,” and that would serve as a decent enough explanation for my strangeness.
I did have a few dates in those years. For whatever reason, though, the boys who asked me out to dinner or a movie (or once to play pool) seemed only half interested, a...s if they were going through the motions, trying to prove something to themselves: that they could go out on a date with a girl, that someone would say yes if they asked. They ventured a kiss, not much more. It was completely unintentional, but something about me seemed to set up a barricade of cool refusal around my innermost self, and though I was curious and felt the usual desire, it seemed that the world of intimacy was walled off to me, a country that would never issue me a visa.MoreLess
I did have a few dates in those years. For whatever reason, though, the boys who asked me out to dinner or a movie (or once to play pool) seemed only half interested, a...s if they were going through the motions, trying to prove something to themselves: that they could go out on a date with a girl, that someone would say yes if they asked. They ventured a kiss, not much more. It was completely unintentional, but something about me seemed to set up a barricade of cool refusal around my innermost self, and though I was curious and felt the usual desire, it seemed that the world of intimacy was walled off to me, a country that would never issue me a visa.MoreLess
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