Under the Paw: Confessions of a Cat Man (2012)
“Using air quotes and a sarcastic inflection whilst saying one of their names (e.g ‘Yeah, like you’ve got anything remotely intelligent to say on the subject, “Ralph”’).
2. Attempting to show them that by weeing on the side of my brand new desk/leaving a vole’s nose on the step outside the bathroom/breaking an expensive vase with their tail/getting overexuberant while I am cooking with raw meat, they have seriously, and possibly irreparably, hurt my feelings (e.g. ‘Shipley, that is unacceptable.... Quite frankly, I’m upset now, and so is Dee. In fact, we may not even eat dinner at all now, thanks to you. You may think it’s okay to claw my leg and yap like an effete terrier now, but what happens one day when you get out into the wide world? Do you think you want to be known as the kind of cat who climbs up people’s legs any time he sees some raw meat he fancies? Do you think grown-up people will still like you, after you get a reputation for doing things like that? Hmm? Hmm?MoreLess
2. Attempting to show them that by weeing on the side of my brand new desk/leaving a vole’s nose on the step outside the bathroom/breaking an expensive vase with their tail/getting overexuberant while I am cooking with raw meat, they have seriously, and possibly irreparably, hurt my feelings (e.g. ‘Shipley, that is unacceptable.... Quite frankly, I’m upset now, and so is Dee. In fact, we may not even eat dinner at all now, thanks to you. You may think it’s okay to claw my leg and yap like an effete terrier now, but what happens one day when you get out into the wide world? Do you think you want to be known as the kind of cat who climbs up people’s legs any time he sees some raw meat he fancies? Do you think grown-up people will still like you, after you get a reputation for doing things like that? Hmm? Hmm?MoreLess
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