“I loved my family, but they weren't going to cuddle with me at night or bear my children. To me love was as unreal as unicorns and pots of gold at the end of the rainbow. I knew people who swore that true love changed their entire lives, and I'd smile and wish them well, all the while knowing that that wasn't in my future. My acceptance of my fate was absolute. I'd never even allowed myself to ponder what the alternative would feel like. I had a set of rules that I followed in order to ...hold myself aloof, but the truth is that it didn't even require effort. I'd seen what relationships looked like in my family, and I hated what I saw. Hated it, and still had the scars to remind myself of what that 'love' had done. The one true love of my life was the love I had for my siblings, both by blood and honorary, and my Aunt Sandra. I'd paid a high price to keep my family safe. I was the oldest, and it was my responsibility to protect them all. My love for my family was what kept my humanity intact. There was something wrong with me, something that other people seemed to have that I didn't. I wasn't settled or secure.MoreLessRead More Read Less
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