Trauma Queen (2011)
“No, I knew she was. Because everybody said so.
I remember one time in second grade when all the parents were supposed to come to our classroom and talk about their jobs. Matt’s mom went first and talked about how she was a dermatologist, and how you should always wear sunscreen. Will’s mom talked about working in a bank. Emma’s dad talked about marketing, only it was so boring I didn’t listen.
And then Mom walked to the front of the classroom.
And started taking off her clothes.
Everyone gasped.... Until they realized that under her clothes was a scuba-diving outfit. Which was cool all by itself, really.
But then she reached into a giant tote bag she’d brought, and took out three beach towels, which she carefully spread on the floor. She placed a chair on the beach towels and sat down. Then she grinned at the class and held up a giant bottle of imported olive oil. She twisted off the cap slowly, and before anyone could stop her, she poured some of it into her mouth.
“Eww,” said the class.MoreLess
I remember one time in second grade when all the parents were supposed to come to our classroom and talk about their jobs. Matt’s mom went first and talked about how she was a dermatologist, and how you should always wear sunscreen. Will’s mom talked about working in a bank. Emma’s dad talked about marketing, only it was so boring I didn’t listen.
And then Mom walked to the front of the classroom.
And started taking off her clothes.
Everyone gasped.... Until they realized that under her clothes was a scuba-diving outfit. Which was cool all by itself, really.
But then she reached into a giant tote bag she’d brought, and took out three beach towels, which she carefully spread on the floor. She placed a chair on the beach towels and sat down. Then she grinned at the class and held up a giant bottle of imported olive oil. She twisted off the cap slowly, and before anyone could stop her, she poured some of it into her mouth.
“Eww,” said the class.MoreLess
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