“Halloween is the most horribly misinterpreted holiday in the history of the entire world. It’s also my favorite. Partly this is because every year as long as I can remember, Mrs. Mirrens, of the broken tennis foot, throws this annual costume party, and if there is anything more stupidly hysterical than adult men and women dressing up as pirates, mermaids, lobsters, and aluminum beer cans, I don’t want to know about it. One can only laugh so much. Mom—Linda—always dresses as a fair damsel or a R...oman noblewoman, and I have to admit, she usually looks pretty good. Her favorite costume, though, is when she puts on slippers, silk harem pants, veils, and a little top that shows the top of her breasts. Even the fake one. She calls this costume “I Dream of Jeannie.” Historical footnote. I Dream of Jeannie was this sitcom in the 1960s about an astronaut who finds a bottle that contains this beautiful, sexy, two-thousand-year-old magical genie. The premise of the show is that the genie keeps sticking her breasts and butt in the astronaut’s face, wanting to grant him wishes that obviously include having frantic sex with him while calling him master.MoreLessRead More Read Less
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