The Next Best Thing
“said the patient voice from the speakerphone in the center of the table in the writers’ room. The voice belonged to Eric Fein, the Standards and Practices lawyer who’d been assigned to The Next Best Thing. In our three weeks of work, I’d gotten familiar with his voice, and with his opinions on what was encouraged and permissible on network TV. “You can’t say ass-munch.”
There was silence as six writers absorbed this. “Ass snack?” offered Sam, brushing his long hair out of his eyes. Sam was one ...of my baby writers. He’d had one job so far, on an MTV show that had lasted a single season, and he supported himself by tweeting in the persona of Softie, the anthropomorphized roll of toilet paper who was the brand ambassador for SilkSoft toilet tissue. “We love your ass” was SilkSoft’s slogan. During his job interview, Sam had told me, with a mixture of pride and embarrassment, that he’d thought of it all by himself.
“We’d prefer no ass at all,” Eric replied.
“I don’t get it,”MoreLess
There was silence as six writers absorbed this. “Ass snack?” offered Sam, brushing his long hair out of his eyes. Sam was one ...of my baby writers. He’d had one job so far, on an MTV show that had lasted a single season, and he supported himself by tweeting in the persona of Softie, the anthropomorphized roll of toilet paper who was the brand ambassador for SilkSoft toilet tissue. “We love your ass” was SilkSoft’s slogan. During his job interview, Sam had told me, with a mixture of pride and embarrassment, that he’d thought of it all by himself.
“We’d prefer no ass at all,” Eric replied.
“I don’t get it,”MoreLess
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