The Child Inside
“It is coming up to a quarter to nine and I am still in my bathrobe. She, however, has been at work since eight. Somehow this difference between us makes my lie seem more real; I am the meek one, as always, buckling under.
‘You need not worry,’ I say stiltedly when she answers her phone. ‘I won’t be seeing him again.’ I hear her sigh of relief. And then there is a long silence while I imagine she considers the likelihood of my words.
To convince her further I say, ‘And it really wasn’t anything ...anyway.’ My heart beats into the silence. I am ready to take back my words, to scream into the phone, Oh, but it is something. It’s everything. And who are you to sit in judgement on me, my dear hypocritical sister?
And in my head I see her, when I was nine and she was ten; I see her marching home from school three steps ahead of me with her long hair pulled back in a ponytail and flicking horse-like from side to side behind her. I see the upturned tilt of her head, I see the stomp of her feet.MoreLess
‘You need not worry,’ I say stiltedly when she answers her phone. ‘I won’t be seeing him again.’ I hear her sigh of relief. And then there is a long silence while I imagine she considers the likelihood of my words.
To convince her further I say, ‘And it really wasn’t anything ...anyway.’ My heart beats into the silence. I am ready to take back my words, to scream into the phone, Oh, but it is something. It’s everything. And who are you to sit in judgement on me, my dear hypocritical sister?
And in my head I see her, when I was nine and she was ten; I see her marching home from school three steps ahead of me with her long hair pulled back in a ponytail and flicking horse-like from side to side behind her. I see the upturned tilt of her head, I see the stomp of her feet.MoreLess
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