The Big Why
“I can say this. But back then, before it all went wrong, I did not know enough to consider the question. I had married a woman with one facial gesture. Kathleen Whiting. A kind smile. When we made love, that smile. I knew I was wrapped up with goodness — if I kept close to this woman a good life would accrue. But there is something about goodness — I associate it with acquiescence, and I’m repulsed by compromise. I wanted to see Kathleen serious. If I caught her rinsing out the coffee cups, her... face concentrated and her set mouth. I loved her then. What are you thinking about. About the children. About you. If you are faithful. Her firmness a blend of grace and warding off heartbreak. Kathleen had said, as a resolution to our leaving New York, I want to make my life less complicated. And my friend Gerald Thayer had leapt at her. Kathleen, he’d said. If your life got any less complicated, the heart would stop right in your chest. Gerald was the one who’d told us to leave the city.MoreLess
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