The Best Australian Stories (2011)
“All I know is, he barges in and shouts: ‘BORIS! We have just three days to eat this ham!’ Now, my name’s Jake, not Boris, but Jimmy’s never been too keen on details – they confuse him. You just gotta roll with the punches sometimes. Get this: he kicks open the door and staggers in with a giant knob of meat in his arms, holding it like a baby, oozing salty hamjuice down the front of his flannelette shirt and glistening pink, like he’d rubbed it all over with hair gel. He never said why we had th...ree days – I guess he meant it was going stale. He lugs it to the kitchen and slams it down on the table with a grunt and looks at me with that look he gets when he’s stirred, which can unsettle folks: kind of lets foamy spittle hang around his beard, lips peeled back, teeth bared like knuckles cocked ready for a fist fight. When he gets like that, you just gotta keep your cool and let him know you’re on his team – but don’t say it outright, you gotta demonstrate. ‘Where in hell’d you get that meat?’ I said, sounding mighty impressed, which was a mistake: he might’ve thought I wanted it for myself.MoreLess
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