Tear You Apart
“And though I suspect if I went to him and told him the real reason I want to sneak away for an hour or so at lunchtime, he’d smile and give me a thumbs-up, I don’t want him to know. I don’t want anyone to know.
I carry the weight of my secret like a stone, and hold it in both my hands because I don’t want to let it go.
The ping of a text woke me this morning. Will, playing at being casual, inviting me to watch him shoot some pictures in a warehouse. Professional. Neutral. Distant.
H...e wants to pretend this is all accidental, but for me it isn’t a game. I haven’t simply let it happen. I’m falling because I jumped, and not because I tripped. This is on purpose and I own it, even if he won’t. But I let him pretend we’re meeting so I can watch him take pictures of empty rooms and peeling paint, and not so that he can fuck me.
But oh, I have every intention of making him do that.MoreLess
I carry the weight of my secret like a stone, and hold it in both my hands because I don’t want to let it go.
The ping of a text woke me this morning. Will, playing at being casual, inviting me to watch him shoot some pictures in a warehouse. Professional. Neutral. Distant.
H...e wants to pretend this is all accidental, but for me it isn’t a game. I haven’t simply let it happen. I’m falling because I jumped, and not because I tripped. This is on purpose and I own it, even if he won’t. But I let him pretend we’re meeting so I can watch him take pictures of empty rooms and peeling paint, and not so that he can fuck me.
But oh, I have every intention of making him do that.MoreLess
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