Straight People: a Spotter's Guide to the Fascinating World of Heterosexuals
“When it comes to habitat, every Heterosexual is as different as each member of the Jackson family. However, now that I’m thinking about it, everyone in the Jackson family is pretty similar to everyone else in the Jackson family, by which I obviously mean bat shit crazy.
Heterosexuals tend to gravitate toward comfort more than the experimental style found among other species, with some rare exceptions that I will discuss below.
I grew up in a lovely Heterosexual home that included many staples t...hat will help you get a sense of what you’re likely to find in a Heterosexual Habitat: An enormous portrait photograph of an eight-year-old me made to look like a photograph from the twenties. (Heterosexuals love making old-fashioned-looking family photos.) A shotgun stored under my parents’ bed.
A plaid sofa with matching pillows.
A leather recliner. (Heterosexual Males think of leather recliners the same way I think of coming home and putting a Lily Tomlin comedy album on my record player and pretending I’m her for a solid two hours, by which I mean it relaxes them.) Every Southern Living cookbook that’s been published since 1975.MoreLess
Heterosexuals tend to gravitate toward comfort more than the experimental style found among other species, with some rare exceptions that I will discuss below.
I grew up in a lovely Heterosexual home that included many staples t...hat will help you get a sense of what you’re likely to find in a Heterosexual Habitat: An enormous portrait photograph of an eight-year-old me made to look like a photograph from the twenties. (Heterosexuals love making old-fashioned-looking family photos.) A shotgun stored under my parents’ bed.
A plaid sofa with matching pillows.
A leather recliner. (Heterosexual Males think of leather recliners the same way I think of coming home and putting a Lily Tomlin comedy album on my record player and pretending I’m her for a solid two hours, by which I mean it relaxes them.) Every Southern Living cookbook that’s been published since 1975.MoreLess
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