“At least then, I could still smell him on me. For the first two days after returning to my old apartment, I could smell the ocean on my bag and clothes.I called the conference call at the time Race told me to. I sat on the floor of my kitchen, eating Goldfish, holding my breath, because I just knew he would say something to me. Instead, I only heard the beep of him signing on. I said, “hello,” and sealed my fate. He didn’t need to speak, because he’d heard my voice. He knew I was okay.I cried t...hat night. I curled under my covers and asked myself what the hell’s the matter with me. I think back to the things I did with Race—the physical things—and wonder why I never even came close to most of that with Carl. It’s not because he liked guys, too. I know deep down: It was because of me. Because I never trusted him. I never opened to him fully.And yet, I did with Race?Why is that?I don’t shower until the third day. When I do, the scent of Gertrude’s shampoo leaves my hair.MoreLessRead More Read Less
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