My Husband's Sweethearts
“It's become a habit that I find myself sitting in the armchair next to Artie's bed watching him sleep every night. And tonight is no different. I walk up the stairs in the quiet house once again.
I wish I could come here during the day, like any other nicely dressed ex-sweetheart, to praise him or to scream at him. But I'm as afraid of my own anger as I am the sudden turns of love I have for Artie (and the sudden turns of weakness I have for John). It all makes me feel wildly out of control. Bu...t when Artie's sleeping, I can feel whatever I want. I can just let it wash over me. I don't have to decide how I feel. I don't have to decide what gentleness or anger Artie deserves at any one moment. I don't have to decide anything.
But on this night, after my day with John Bessom, my realization that I belong to the Generation of Confused Women, I stand over Artie, lying in bed, and he looks completely different. Two oxygen tubes now hang over his ears like a fake Santa mask, and two feeders are fitted under his nose.MoreLess
I wish I could come here during the day, like any other nicely dressed ex-sweetheart, to praise him or to scream at him. But I'm as afraid of my own anger as I am the sudden turns of love I have for Artie (and the sudden turns of weakness I have for John). It all makes me feel wildly out of control. Bu...t when Artie's sleeping, I can feel whatever I want. I can just let it wash over me. I don't have to decide how I feel. I don't have to decide what gentleness or anger Artie deserves at any one moment. I don't have to decide anything.
But on this night, after my day with John Bessom, my realization that I belong to the Generation of Confused Women, I stand over Artie, lying in bed, and he looks completely different. Two oxygen tubes now hang over his ears like a fake Santa mask, and two feeders are fitted under his nose.MoreLess
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