Like It Matters (2016)
“I was right outside the door and I heard the microphone get switched on, then feed back a little, then someone start mumbling into it— That’s when I let the feeling that’d been at me all morning just take over and win— It’s ridiculous you’re here at all, Ed.
You were never actually going in.
I went and sat on a bench on the edge of the netball court outside and I lit what was probably my tenth cigarette of the day already. It burned my throat and made me retch. For a while my eyes watered, and ...to stop my hands shaking so much I got the pillbox out my pocket and clutched it between my palms.
It doesn’t actually start with her.
It starts with her dad’s van, this big old thing that sounded like a tractor, coming round the corner and driving onto the netball court. This thing with a black grill with two red crosses welded onto it like shields, and one of those massive, wide windshields, with curtains flapping out the windows in the breeze— It made me feel like I was back at Day One again, worrying the thing wasn’t real, I was making it all up Panicking, in case it meant I was too late, you know?MoreLess
You were never actually going in.
I went and sat on a bench on the edge of the netball court outside and I lit what was probably my tenth cigarette of the day already. It burned my throat and made me retch. For a while my eyes watered, and ...to stop my hands shaking so much I got the pillbox out my pocket and clutched it between my palms.
It doesn’t actually start with her.
It starts with her dad’s van, this big old thing that sounded like a tractor, coming round the corner and driving onto the netball court. This thing with a black grill with two red crosses welded onto it like shields, and one of those massive, wide windshields, with curtains flapping out the windows in the breeze— It made me feel like I was back at Day One again, worrying the thing wasn’t real, I was making it all up Panicking, in case it meant I was too late, you know?MoreLess
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