“But, when my turn comes, I don’t need a birth certificate to confirm the event. In the weeks leading up to this, I’ve already clocked up forty reasons to know I’ve turned forty. I find myself no longer thinking about sex all the time, only once every 12.7 seconds. I start buying Lite White. When choosing a film, I base the decision not on the director, the star, or the writer, but on which cinema has the most comfortable seats. For the first time since I was five years old, my age and my pants ...size have become alarmingly similar. Forget the policemen looking young. That new spokeswoman for the Combined Pensioners Association looks like a real goer. I catch myself using the phrase, ‘young people today’. I see a friend’s garden and discover, as if by magic, that I have The Knowledge: the hedge on the left is Box; on the right, Murraya. Passing thought: ‘That Malcolm Fraser seems a reasonable person.’ I have a long discussion with friends about their kitchen benchtops. I make the change to Lite Cheese.MoreLessRead More Read Less
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