I Curse the River of Time
“Not on the beach that day in 1989, not in Bergersen’s café nearly fifteen years earlier, not before I was a Communist. She did not pay attention, she turned her gaze to other things. She saw me come in and didn’t know where I had been, she saw me go out and didn’t know where I was heading, how adrift I was, how sixteen I was without her, how seventeen, how eighteen, how desperately walking along Trondhjemsveien I was, up and down Route E6 between Veitvet and Grorud. In both directions, first pa...st the women’s prison that lay gloomily to my right like a shadowy, secretive, improbable vacuum behind thick stone walls, before the low blocks on Kaldbakken appeared to the right and the tall blocks on Rødtvet to the left, rising up towards the woods that were so deep and so big that you could easily disappear in them and be lost for ever, if that was what you longed for.And it was autumn when I walked, November, always November, late evenings with drizzling rain and the street lights flashing past high above my head and because I walked so fast, it was as though they came on and off, those lights, never stopping and could suddenly crackle sharply in the damp air and send off flashes of blue lightning around them while my words were circling in my brain and my thoughts sparkling like an electric current and perhaps looking blue as light sometimes does, if you could slice through my brain to study up close what was happening in there.My school was down on Østre Aker Vei, by Grorud railway station and the star shaped blocks, as they were known, where the railway workers lived; train drivers, ticket collectors, engineers, but before I got as far as that I turned right at the junction with Trondhjemsveien where the football club was and the grass pitch and on past the church and the cemetery and zigzagged downhill before making a final detour past Heimdal, the red building where the young Christians came together on evenings like this, where I had tried to pass through the eye of a needle, but was turned away, by myself, halfway up the stairs every single time because of my lack of faith.MoreLess
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