Have a Nice Guilt Trip
“And hate.
I’m one of those people who says I love old houses.
But I lie.
I’m beginning to accept the truth, which is: Old houses are a pain in the back porch.
This realization strikes me every year when the weather turns cold. My house has stone walls that are incredibly thick, which means that come October, it’s freezing inside. Today it was seventy degrees outside, and fifty in my house.
So you say, turn on the heat, right?
I can’t.
Because my house has radiators, which hiss, clang, and bang.... I can’t hear myself think when the heat is on. If you talk to me on the phone when I have the heat on, you’d think someone is breaking and entering.
So I heat my house by hot flashes.
That’s the only way you can live in an old house. If you are an old house.
By the way, it’s no more habitable in summer, when the weather turns warm. I can’t open any windows, because their sashes are broken.
Yes, my windows have sashes.
Don’t ask me why or even what that is. My windows are from an era when dresses had sashes, and I guess they went sash-crazy.MoreLess
I’m one of those people who says I love old houses.
But I lie.
I’m beginning to accept the truth, which is: Old houses are a pain in the back porch.
This realization strikes me every year when the weather turns cold. My house has stone walls that are incredibly thick, which means that come October, it’s freezing inside. Today it was seventy degrees outside, and fifty in my house.
So you say, turn on the heat, right?
I can’t.
Because my house has radiators, which hiss, clang, and bang.... I can’t hear myself think when the heat is on. If you talk to me on the phone when I have the heat on, you’d think someone is breaking and entering.
So I heat my house by hot flashes.
That’s the only way you can live in an old house. If you are an old house.
By the way, it’s no more habitable in summer, when the weather turns warm. I can’t open any windows, because their sashes are broken.
Yes, my windows have sashes.
Don’t ask me why or even what that is. My windows are from an era when dresses had sashes, and I guess they went sash-crazy.MoreLess
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