Full Ride
“I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck.
I tell myself I don’t have to decide anything tonight—I don’t have to do anything. But giving myself permission to be floaty and vague just makes me feel that much worse. I’m like a ghost haunting myself. I need to eat dinner—that’s down-to-earth. That should be easy. But I can’t even decide between heating up leftover Hamburger Helper or boiling water for spaghetti. I spend fifteen minutes trying to decide if I want to spend fifteen minutes cooking.
I... can’t decide, so I don’t eat anything at all.
I open my calc book to work on homework, but the formulas that made perfect sense in class today have turned into meaningless knots of letters and symbols. My eyes keep blurring them together, tangling them even worse.
I shut the book.
Just go to bed, I tell myself. Go to bed and do your homework in the morning, when your brain works again.
But when I lie down, I can’t sleep. My brain shifts into high gear, racing in circles.
I’m trapped, I think.MoreLess
I tell myself I don’t have to decide anything tonight—I don’t have to do anything. But giving myself permission to be floaty and vague just makes me feel that much worse. I’m like a ghost haunting myself. I need to eat dinner—that’s down-to-earth. That should be easy. But I can’t even decide between heating up leftover Hamburger Helper or boiling water for spaghetti. I spend fifteen minutes trying to decide if I want to spend fifteen minutes cooking.
I... can’t decide, so I don’t eat anything at all.
I open my calc book to work on homework, but the formulas that made perfect sense in class today have turned into meaningless knots of letters and symbols. My eyes keep blurring them together, tangling them even worse.
I shut the book.
Just go to bed, I tell myself. Go to bed and do your homework in the morning, when your brain works again.
But when I lie down, I can’t sleep. My brain shifts into high gear, racing in circles.
I’m trapped, I think.MoreLess
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