Every Day
“Fearful, unable to concentrate, I put reading aside and haul out two yellowing photo albums from Mother’s slovenly bookshelf. I look at baby pictures of Isaac. In them, I never fully face the camera. I focus down on the baby, or away, at some off-site distraction. There are several of Fowler and Isaac sitting in the chair I sit in now, and there is one of the three of us, a momentary family, with the rock and castle background of the Delacorte Theater in Central Park. We’re warmly dressed, but ...the ground is free of snow. It must have been March, a week or two before Fowler left me in the lurch. I show no signs of suspicion that this is about to occur.Even in the best moments, since before the births of my children, there has been fear. I don’t remember, even in the whirlwind of finding Simon, a minute without it. Mother and Daddy are edgy people, so I’m sure I became afraid at a young age. I’m not sure I knew the safety others may have known, the ones with parents glued together throughout the years, in all the Christmas photos, at the school plays and Saturday birthday parties.MoreLess
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