Dry Your Smile (2016)
“I doubt that Hope will ever look in the back of my history notebook. She’s not very interested in my schoolwork, except in the A grades, of course. She thinks history is especially boring.
This could be a journal, the kind real writers keep. Training for observing, writing dialogue, practice of the craft, all that stuff. If she ever discovers it, I might as well step in front of an onrushing camera and end it all, there would be such hell to pay. But would I love it if these pages could be priv...ate, all my own.
Maybe then I could find out what it is I feel—if I feel anything real at all. I’m obsessed with that, with ever doing anything so completely that I can escape myself observing myself doing it—and observing others observing how I do it. I go into churches lately. Catholic churches, Protestant, synagogues if they’re open, even last week a Greek Orthodox church. It’s a space to myself. I even pray. But it’s as if I’m that poor bastard Claudius just not getting through.MoreLess
This could be a journal, the kind real writers keep. Training for observing, writing dialogue, practice of the craft, all that stuff. If she ever discovers it, I might as well step in front of an onrushing camera and end it all, there would be such hell to pay. But would I love it if these pages could be priv...ate, all my own.
Maybe then I could find out what it is I feel—if I feel anything real at all. I’m obsessed with that, with ever doing anything so completely that I can escape myself observing myself doing it—and observing others observing how I do it. I go into churches lately. Catholic churches, Protestant, synagogues if they’re open, even last week a Greek Orthodox church. It’s a space to myself. I even pray. But it’s as if I’m that poor bastard Claudius just not getting through.MoreLess
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