Dodger And Me (2011)
“I mean, first you have to teach it the names of all the colors, numbers, the alphabet … no, I’m kidding. What I really mean is that sneaking Dodger around the house, getting him food, and dealing with his bathroom needs were all really tricky tasks when both of my parents and Amy were all trying to get ready for their days at the same time. The worst was the bathroom. I had to dig up an extra toothbrush for him, and then he got all grumpy because it was decorated all over with pictures of the L...ittle Mermaid. I pointed out that A) we were alone in the bathroom, B) he was invisible to everyone but me, anyway, and C) a girly toothbrush was way, way better than two-day-old monkey breath. Then I had to listen to a whole speech about chimps versus monkeys. Apparently, “Chimps are so not monkeys. We’re great apes. So how’s about showing some respect to your fellow primate? Besides, you better be thankful I’m not a monkey, buddy. I might have bad breath in the morning—but monkeys throw their poop to show displeasure.MoreLess
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