Dance of Anger: a Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
“Our relationships with our parents and siblings are the most influential in our lives and they are never simple. Families tend to establish rigid rules and roles that govern how each member is to think, feel, and behave, and these are not easily challenged or changed. When one individual in a family begins to behave in a new way that does not conform to the old family scripts, anxiety skyrockets and before long everyone is trying to reinstate the old familiar patterns.
Rather than face the ...strong feelings of anxiety and discomfort that are inevitably evoked when we clarify a new position in an old relationship, we may instead do the very two things with our anger that only serve to block the possibility that change will occur.
First, we may “confront” members of our family by telling them what’s wrong with them and how they should think, feel, or behave differently. That is, we try to change the other person. This other person typically (and understandably) becomes upset and defensive.MoreLess
Rather than face the ...strong feelings of anxiety and discomfort that are inevitably evoked when we clarify a new position in an old relationship, we may instead do the very two things with our anger that only serve to block the possibility that change will occur.
First, we may “confront” members of our family by telling them what’s wrong with them and how they should think, feel, or behave differently. That is, we try to change the other person. This other person typically (and understandably) becomes upset and defensive.MoreLess
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