All That I Need (Secret Desires)
“I felt alone.
Caroline and I had some sort of balance and I could enjoy her company, but she didn’t fill the gap of a girlfriend, someone to laugh with and share stories or angst with. She was still Austin’s mom and that wouldn’t change. So no matter how much I relaxed around her, there was always a guarded exchange subconsciously about how much I’d say or what I’d talk about.
Time seemed to pass by, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling. I was left in a state of limbo internally. I co...uldn’t express it, but knew I didn’t feel like myself. Even things that should have made me happy didn’t touch me the way they used to. I felt almost like I was living in a monotone state of mind.
It was as if winning the lottery held the same excitement as going to the grocery store. It wouldn’t have mattered, because I was slowly going numb inside. Each day passed into the next, and I found my lack of emotion troubling.MoreLess
Caroline and I had some sort of balance and I could enjoy her company, but she didn’t fill the gap of a girlfriend, someone to laugh with and share stories or angst with. She was still Austin’s mom and that wouldn’t change. So no matter how much I relaxed around her, there was always a guarded exchange subconsciously about how much I’d say or what I’d talk about.
Time seemed to pass by, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling. I was left in a state of limbo internally. I co...uldn’t express it, but knew I didn’t feel like myself. Even things that should have made me happy didn’t touch me the way they used to. I felt almost like I was living in a monotone state of mind.
It was as if winning the lottery held the same excitement as going to the grocery store. It wouldn’t have mattered, because I was slowly going numb inside. Each day passed into the next, and I found my lack of emotion troubling.MoreLess
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